why don't you ask?

i think we are afraid to ask because we don't know what we might get.

or,

i am afraid to ask because i don't know what i will get.

imagine we are in a gathering, and the spokesperson holds up a goodie bag, asking, 'who wants it?'

i suppose the first thought that came to my mind would be, is there a catch in it? will i be required to do something to get it? or.... paiseh lar...

i guess i just fear what may happen when i take the risk to ask. playing safe will be to hide in my cocoon and watch as others take the risk and wonder why my life is suffocating.

i think i need to be kicked out of my shell sometimes. but i do get annoyed when it happens too. sometimes. =)

ask, and it will be given. my Father knows what i need even before i ask of it. but when i ask, i believe it helps me see what i need.

because of His promise, i hope.

resign

it's sad that a lot of people resign from life faster than they resign from a job.

this matter

itmattersthatimattertoyoucosyoumattertome.

thehermit

one day, perhaps i'd soar, but right now, can i be content with this crawl?

O Lord, i think i'm going to fail this test, i feel i'm getting bitter than better.

i've tried to try

i've tried to try, but felt i have failed.

i've stumbled, and now i'm tired.

i'm making excuses, because there is no inspiring comments.

i'm wandering in the wilderness,
and yet,
yet perhaps i can glorify God even here!
what a thought.
i'm still lost.
you would have think i would have been tired of being lost.
i am.

i don't want to talk about it anymore.

F-u(ture)

i know not what the future holds for me, but i know He holds my future.

rubbish of the system

i know You must know what i'm going through.
i know sadness can't be Your plan for me, though i am sad perpetually.
i know this and that, but there must be more than knowing. there must be more to life.
is there a long road between knowing and believing? believing to trusting? trusting to surrendering? how far?

this is not what You want of me, yet i can't let go.

why am i afraid to laugh, to show love?
why do i dread walking into Your house, to see people, in families and feel alone?
have i lost hope? do i still dare to hope?
i'm afraid that they ask, and i have no answers. i know it's You and not me, but see, i just know.

life is full of dreams, but i am not living any.

running from situations is no good, but embracing it seems harder. its always prettier in the past, or future, but not the present. the mind plays games the person does not understand. i'm speaking words that i probably do not understand or believe.

hmpf.