i love you, you, you, you and you sooooo much! but i can't say it out. i hope u understand. i don't know how. it's just never done. but i really hope that one day, we can all say that, show that, freely... one day...one day...
there is a girl whom i know, whom i love, who wants to slide down the rainbows and hop from cloud to cloud.... and she yearns for that. and oh if only i could tell her, that there is One, if He could make the rainbows, surely He is able to make a slide out of it, if He could make the clouds, won't He let His children dance upon them? and He so loved His children in this world that He would send His perfect Son to suffer the cross, that through Him we may live. isn't this love perfect enough? if only i could her, this girl, whom i love, but not as much as He loves her, this girl, whom i know, but not as much as the Heavenly Father who made her, and knew every strand of hair on her head, and knows every tear she cry. when will she know? when will i tell her?
Friday, April 13, 2007
Monday, April 9, 2007
lonely & longings, parents here&above
i am a very torn person. i might as well be created in a few, no, make that many many, pieces. though i still believe that God knows what's best for me and still created me in one piece. i can feel that i really love to go bck home, but i also know that i am here, in my varsity, for a reason. this battle i've been fighting since donkey years. okay, maybe i exaggerated, but the frequency of me yearning to go back and being reminded that i'm to appreciate my time while i'm here is just too high. so here i learn that there is a wide gap between knowing and understanding. a huge gulf between having knowledge and letting that knowledge impact my life.
yesterday was easter. i told my dear friend the night before that it didn't mean that much to me. not that the events that happened on this day 2000 years back did not impact me, it very much did. but for me it's just some sort of anniversary, for me it's not as if Jesus really died again, though it is good to remember on this day. but on this day itself, i found myself wondering if i should be out there doing something. it just felt terribly weird to be sitting alone in the room. i thought i had overcome loneliness in room, but i haven't. it just haven't kicked in. but when it did, how depressing it could be!
from the moment i woke till late at night... sigh....
it is at these moment i feel lonely. not only because there is no one else in the room, but the realization that when i really need someone, i can't think of who to turn to. undoubtedly, yes, my Father in Heaven, his son Jesus, the Holy Spirit... but who among my earthly friends will i turn to? it is at these times when i can't think of someone that it hurts me. this is when i feel all alone. the knowledge that i don't have one close enough to cry on.
ask, and it will be given. i always used to think that i shouldn't be greedy, i shoudn't ask for so much, then i won't seem demanding in my parents' eyes. that was probably my approach for my natural family. but perhaps i have made my Heavenly Father too small in my heart. like brother philip yeoh said, God is our EPF-ever protective father, ever providing father, and ever prosperous father. all things under Heaven is His. it wouldn't cost Him much to give me what i want, so long it;s not destructive. in fact i believe He'd love to bless me, as a parent would lovingly do. it's true that i shouldn't ask for too many things from my earthly parents, i know they may have to work extra hard or sacrifice something for stuff that i may want. but my Heavenly Father is so much more able. i hope i am not in the danger of sounding like i'm not appreciative of my wonderful, beloved, God-given parents. i love them to bits. they gave and continue giving me so much, i know it's not easy.
now if only they could lean on this Father in Heaven too. if only they'd allow Him to take over their lives, their burdens and worries, their fears and troubles that wrinkle their faces. oh what joy then! i want to change my 'if only's to 'when only's. i will trust in my Father, this time will come to pass.
ask, and it will be given. ask, in Jesus' name. ask, according to His will. and did He not create them as well? are they not His children, whom He loves as well? surely He cared for them more than i can ever do, and loved them more than i can ever will. and surely, as the sun rises, He long for them to return to Him, that He may give them His light yoke, and that they would find rest in Him.
yesterday was easter. i told my dear friend the night before that it didn't mean that much to me. not that the events that happened on this day 2000 years back did not impact me, it very much did. but for me it's just some sort of anniversary, for me it's not as if Jesus really died again, though it is good to remember on this day. but on this day itself, i found myself wondering if i should be out there doing something. it just felt terribly weird to be sitting alone in the room. i thought i had overcome loneliness in room, but i haven't. it just haven't kicked in. but when it did, how depressing it could be!
from the moment i woke till late at night... sigh....
it is at these moment i feel lonely. not only because there is no one else in the room, but the realization that when i really need someone, i can't think of who to turn to. undoubtedly, yes, my Father in Heaven, his son Jesus, the Holy Spirit... but who among my earthly friends will i turn to? it is at these times when i can't think of someone that it hurts me. this is when i feel all alone. the knowledge that i don't have one close enough to cry on.
ask, and it will be given. i always used to think that i shouldn't be greedy, i shoudn't ask for so much, then i won't seem demanding in my parents' eyes. that was probably my approach for my natural family. but perhaps i have made my Heavenly Father too small in my heart. like brother philip yeoh said, God is our EPF-ever protective father, ever providing father, and ever prosperous father. all things under Heaven is His. it wouldn't cost Him much to give me what i want, so long it;s not destructive. in fact i believe He'd love to bless me, as a parent would lovingly do. it's true that i shouldn't ask for too many things from my earthly parents, i know they may have to work extra hard or sacrifice something for stuff that i may want. but my Heavenly Father is so much more able. i hope i am not in the danger of sounding like i'm not appreciative of my wonderful, beloved, God-given parents. i love them to bits. they gave and continue giving me so much, i know it's not easy.
now if only they could lean on this Father in Heaven too. if only they'd allow Him to take over their lives, their burdens and worries, their fears and troubles that wrinkle their faces. oh what joy then! i want to change my 'if only's to 'when only's. i will trust in my Father, this time will come to pass.
ask, and it will be given. ask, in Jesus' name. ask, according to His will. and did He not create them as well? are they not His children, whom He loves as well? surely He cared for them more than i can ever do, and loved them more than i can ever will. and surely, as the sun rises, He long for them to return to Him, that He may give them His light yoke, and that they would find rest in Him.
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