happy?=(

i don't know where to start.

nowadays it seems like sadness is my middle name. i can't remember the last time i've felt so sad. before knowing and believing in Christ, yea, perhaps. i've had times when i felt i'm nearing depression. but after that, i don't quite remember having all those moments. but lately...since semester nearly began, i should think, i've been down. up sometimes, but then down again.

let's try today.

today is my birthday. turned 22. started yesterday shopping at midvalley, prayed for shoes and clothes for ma, and yes, i've got them! 2 heels with clasps for less than rm60, a nice off white sweater for 70% off, making it bout rm30 and a simple rm10 shirt for her to work in. i'm glad...i am. i felt happy again though before that i was down.

and going back to upm, kheng, jane and i managed to get on a komuter bus at 11pm...way after the designated time. it was good, it really was. and back at cafe, we had supper. met may fang, her friend, talked...then emily and wan leng came down and celebrated with me with a banjo as cake. it was good. it was.

this morning i woke happy. i told Father my birthday wish is to know Him more, get closer to Him. i came to lab and then class happy.

after class i wanted to reply amelia that i could have lunch with her but my phone had not enough credit. so i walked to where i believed is her office. empty. brother has not reloaded my credit. stuck. weather scorching. hot. alone. reminds me of my previous birthday. seems being alone is a norm. guess it stings a little more when its your birthday. expectations.

but is it that? or is there more? i don't know. so tired...so many times.