supertiredpurgings

jiemin almost cant take this anymore.

days of digging for strength, squeezing the belief that all will be alright...all seems to dry up so quickly when i'm labbing. when i see how my results don't appear as i thought they would. i told myself to take it one at a time but i'm not listening anymore. how to try and succeed trying?

now still at lab, trying to maximize time by staying later, doing more.... but i'm so tired. and i can see that so many people are tired too. i was as ambitious as to think i'd like to encourage them, but how is that possible when i drowned in my own fatigue?

i don't know why this work hurts and drains me so. i don't know why i can't see it in a brighter light, to see beyond the pipetting and waiting and hoping for a pretty gel picture or whatever good results to the real picture: research. the reason for it. why do people go through all this experimenting which all sounds so glamorous and simple than when its hands on.

ok.

now i see why i should write. i always seem to discover things when i write and not when i think through it in my head. i don't know if there's something wrong above my neck or that my fingers assist the head in thinking. i wanna laugh out loud but too lame. =/

time to work. to pipette few more liquids in a little tube and leave it overnight. always i've prayed that it would do what the steps required it to be done, but today, i've another thought to bring back with me: why am i doing all this?