of sadness

i need to believe that this God who loves me will allow me to be sad, hurt and disappointed. yea, He wants me to be happy, but i suppose some lessons can only be learn in not so happy ways. why do i feel like crying when i can't, and when i can i can't? i mean to say that it is at inconvenient time and place that i suddenly want to cry. but then, perhaps at a conveniently comfortable place i don't have that much need to cry anyway.

i've talked to God and thought that He wants me to be here. but when i am here, i'm rocked from that belief. does He really want me to be here? i'm sad here. does He want me to be sad? which goes back to the first paragraph.

the thing is, i'm sure it is not God ultimate plan to make me sad (like,duh!). but people get sad for many reasons, one of it out of not understanding, or not accepting. anyway, sadness is a feeling hard to avoid. we all go through it i suppose. sorry, i'm dizzy and quite suffocated from holding myself together. it is only normal for words to spew funnily.

is this Your place for me here? if yes, please strengthen me to go through it.