a heart nudged by a dream

today i had a dream...i am not sure if its called one...cos its rather jumbled up, as is my norm of dreams. well, perhaps this time its clearer than previous ones, at least i remembered certain parts of it.

there was some sort of blood donation thingie going on...and i remember a friend of mine,ymn saying good things about it, and even making souvenirs of some sort to give out to those who donates. there is this machine to make this souvenir, and another friend, myyng was operating it. i went up and wanted to operate it, but when i did, i realise i did not know how.

after that i remember taking a walk around some sort of hall with yet another friend, hws, and i saw statues, one of which i believe to be Jesus. there was another statue wrapped up, and nearly fell, but i managed to stabilize it.

when i woke, somehow i remembered on friday night before, what jrj spoke of dreams, of it being the manifestation of the subconscious mind, and that every dream has its interpretation. when i thought about it, i wonder if it has anything to do with the dance team/ministry i am seriously considering to join. am i being told in some way that i may not be able to do what i thought i'd love to do? will i join and then realise i can't do it?

what about the statues? surely i am not treating my Lord Jesus as a statue in my life? it scares me to think if i did... and i really don't want to do it. but what if i am?? i know there is this need in me to grow deeper with God, but somehow i felt lost. how?i so fear...that i am just going about the surface..that i am not opening my heart enough... or at all.

as pastor jentzen franklin said, beneath that pure wedding dress on your wedding day, would I, and could I, say that i've been pure inside? in matters of sexual purity, perhaps. but deeper than that, my spirituality? for i know He looks deeper than it all, right into my heart.
and i fear of what He may find there.

i know He is a God of Love who would take me as i am. but would i let Him in??