letting go...

i remember there were many things i had wanted to write...but everytime i either had to chance to online or just went blank in front of the screen. or i started wondering if i should write what i wanted to write.

well let's just begin with what i can remember...

firstly, converge. before starting his sermon, pastor george prayed that after that session, we would begin to see Jesus in a different way, in a way that we never did before. little did i know those beautiful but not too rare a phrase, showed its impact as a power of prayer that night. he spoke much about the generation who would usher in the 3rd converge, but pardon me if i missed some points or totally lost his speech in translation. still, what i understand and extracted from it was that i am one of those mentioned in the generation who would witness that. he mentioned certain points and characteristics of this generation, of being passionate, intimate, music loving, loud and united. i admit i do not think i have all that. in my mind i began to wonder...am i part of that generation? still, i was not too affected by all he said, until towards the end, he spoke of isaac and rebekah.

at this point i must say...stories in the bible have a way of talking to us in so many ways, i don't think there is ever a bottomline of it. it may just be a simple story of people finding a good wife and living happily ever after, but time after time there will be more it. the story doesn't change...our understanding has...praise God...and i thank the Holy Spirit for opening our eyes and hearts, even at times when we didn't cry out for it. He,indeed, is all loving.

rebekah. a woman, kind hearted enough to water the camels, suddenly finds herself being asked for marriage, for someone she has never seen before, in somewhere far away from her family, from all that she has ever known... and she has no time to say goodbye, only one night, and after that she has to go. what did she do? she said 'yes'. her family, who had hoped she would stay for bout 10 days, asked her opinion, and she said 'yes', she'll go.

wow.

can i ever be that ready? i honestly told my friend sitting next to me, i'm not ready. i can't let go of my family. i don't want to leave them... i can't do it. it seems that they are all that is familiar to me, all i have ever held on to, they are who i love.

but when those who are ready to leave it all for God were asked to stand, i find myself standing, not because i can't control my legs or anything, but i was this weak girl who faced peer pressure and always ended up following what others are doing. i stood. and i thought of my hypocrisy.

to be continued....