my little seed of a dream

jie min has a dream.

that little dream, or some call it wish, is to open a little cafe sort of stuff, and sell T-shirts, and maybe cakes and drinks. it seemed like a little dream, but seemed so far to me. brother said before if i am really so into it, i would be starting it in my own way now, like designing those tees and all. but i didnt. so perhaps im not so into it after all. wil this be another short lived dream, where i dance upon it for a little while.....before i hop on to the next thing?

i do hope not.

not so much as because the dream itself, but for me. i dont want to have short lived dreams and loves. i want something that lasts. i want to be sure that what i want now, i will want it later on in life.
sigh.
does anyone understand? i guess people do, im not so much of a complex creature. in a way, sometimes i feel the more i try to hide, the more im showing who i am inside.

insecure.

i am not as complex as i thought or want to be. at the end of the day, i am just me. i want my dreams. but i fear one day when the dream come to me, i wont be satisfied. crazy rite? yes i am. many would testify to that.

i only know that what will last is God's love for me. that was the only thing i know i'll never regret choosing. to believe in God, in Jesus, and what He did for me. for putting me into such a wonderful family, for saving me, for holding on to me when i thought i cant go on. He loves me, and because of that i know if i walk in His will, i;d never go wrong.

the perfect way. not the most easy way, but perfect in the sense that God chose it, and He knows what best for me. i could fall, be hurt, face things people maybe would rather not to, but if that is His way, that's the best. cause He;ll be with me, and He can overcome all things.

next problem. to know which is His way. with al the sounds from my own, the world, everythin else....i can;t recognize His voice. ah, and i cant blame it on the world when i myself do not try.

back to my little dream. O little dream, u r now a seed. if God will water u, if i continue to love u, u shall grow. but if i lost u in the course of my life, then....(swallow), sorry little one. perhaps u shall be a dream of another.