what i could have done but did not

there are many things in life that caused regret. but many times i assure myself, i can move on. try again another time. or perhaps its best it happened that way. somehow, i can let go. that the regret did not last too long.

but this time, its harder. cos i know there is no better way. there is only one way. and because of what i did not do, this way was not taken. of course, there may be a chance that even if i do it, that way may not be taken. it is something called freewill, where people decide what to do with their lives, and what happens after. but i could have at least tried! this person may not know at all. he could have chosen that way. and so i know it was me, who did not give that chance, by keeping silent. for being too afraid. and there is no second chance. for one did not die twice.

a family friend passed away yesterday, at 1pm something. i was shopping in kl, near pudu with aunt. but i have known earlier that this family friend was sick, and very unwell. i knew he was near death. we even visited him in hospital in ipoh. i wanted to tel him then. i found no courage. and after that he was discharged from hospital. my parents visited him in his house while my siblings and i stayed in an uncle's house watching our baby nephew. he was very weak then. could only speak a few words to my parents and slept. i didnt even pray for him. if i ever did, perhaps a lil while.

am i so unappreciative of people's lives??how could i? though i am not close to him, i knew him since a small child, and i know him as someone nice, a good friend of my father. but whatever it is, i have no excuse. no excuse not to share with him, to give a chance of eternal life. now it is too late. i was given a chance, and i did not give him that.

children of God have a big responsibility. and i do not know how to ask for forgiveness from God, for myself, that i did not do what i should.