it's my fault.is it?

:~(

we all make mistakes.

but sometimes some are more weighty than others. some involve lives. some more. some involve eternity.

i am God's child. i am His ambassador. what i do could reflect Him.

so when i do something wrong, it seems so much heavier. i'm not reflecting nor representing Him. i may cause His name to be blemished.

what's worse is that it may cause people who doesn't know Him yet to turn further away. they will see what i do , what i've done, and shake their head. i've pushed them further away from the Kingdom.

yes, there may be other ways. God can have His way, even when i am disobedient. but every life is so precious, time is being poured out, like water, never to be retrieved again. i just want to make best, every opportunity. i can't turn back this time again, or perhaps never be part of this friend's life again. while i am there, please just let me be the vessel that carries Jesus' light, that she may see and know, He is alive, that God is love, God is just.

God, may You have Your perfect will,
may Your grace touch me once again,
as i try to come back into Your presence,
as i try to be the willing
and obedient vessel,
may i know
it is by Your spirit
and not my works
that people are healed
that people hear You
and believe in You.

i will not lose hope for God is my Hope. and He is everlasting. no matter what i've done, His forgiveness is there, so long as i confess and believe. let me not take for granted, Your abundant mercies and love.

God, i know i can fall on You, my Rock. i trust that with a sincere heart, as i draw near, You would not despise me, though You've seen all my transgressions, my awful sins, my shameful acts, even my secret thoughts. You've seen it all, Lord, but You said,"Come." You promise to make me as white as snow, how i do not know. but no greater love can ever be found, ever be experienced, than this.

thank You Lord.