my eyes are blur and i think i may faint,(yesterday slept at 3stg am and woke at 6stg to finish up work)
but its not gonna stop me from proclaiming right here that God is good! yes...though i came back to UPM from home and wonderful CNYdelicacies and comfort and all on monday and still feel depressed, God has been so good to me.
let's backtrack a lil...
n monday i was terribly sad, feeling alone... i felt like i dont want to ever leave my home, my comfort zone. UpM= work, stress, everything bad. but i am here=(
tuesday i found out my marketing result....44/50 for objectiv, 26/50 for essay!! overall its 10.5/15 but i thought i had done better for my essays. after the class, i wanted to just leave, but i just had to know where i went wrong. so i asked the lecturer if i could see the paper. he said he'd bring it on thurs.
wednesday....depression carried on. i feel more lost than ever. i dont know what's happening! i just felt something inside was screaming for something....is it God i am so longing for?? then how come i cant just pick myself up and seek Him? i just find it hard to do anything...sigh. and near evening i realise what it was. i cant live without God. i feel like i could die. and it's true. without Him i would die. ikatan kristian had MAN..missions awareness night. it was much more entertaining than i thought it would be. but because my consciousness level is dropping now i would have to leave it to another day.
thursday! this is the day when i found out that my marketing result is actually 13.5/15....cos my essay actually is 46/50 ( i think my grammar is going off..more off than usual cos im reli reli tired)..there was some mistake! praise God..Hallelujah!! thank God that He made me ask, and find this out. i know i dont ever deserve such blessings, it was and is and always will be because of His grace and mercy, but His love keeps astounding me. i marvel at how He can keep giving me blessings when urm, i dont seem to love or care to seek Him that much....i always seem to stumble in my quest to commit to Him but He didnt stop loving me...sigh..where else can i find this insistent love?
He places people around me that cared for me, and i am so touched! i am overwhelmed..and many times lost for words. like now...im searching for words to type here...=P
i want to sing, i want to dance, i want to even cry! how do i proclaim His love to others? how do i glorify His name for the wonderful results He gives me? i really want to... if i dont i fear i will eventually take the credit for myself, when it is all God's grace.
indeed, how do i speak of the indescribable...as one of my favorite song goes. my....so babbling i seem to be. never mind...i hope when one day i read this back i;d understand one thing: GOD loves me.=) this is to remind me whenever i wonder or doubt. He loves me, always, unconditionally, forever.... whoa...going to start babbling again.
God loves me. =D
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