how to keep yourself safe

me: i'm sorry, Lord. please don't let her get into trouble. *anxious, feeling bad. please don't let us lie.
God: then why did u think of how to lie?
me: ..... because i'm afraid. i need something to back up....
God: am i not enough?

should prayer be just one of the few ways to solve something, or is prayer the only way?

until i am desperate enough, and there is no other way, i know i will always tend to think of back ups, my own solutions - which is probably not up to His standards - to get myself out of something. when i run out of my own ways, that is when i truly and fully depend only on Him. so being totally helpless may not be a bad thing, because we may run out of ideas but never run out of God. that is why His strength shows best in our weakness. when we have nothing, He becomes our everything, and that is more than enough.

of course it's scary, i don't know how He will work! He might just expose whatever i was trying to hide, though i will be begging to be forgiven and forgotten for this time. maybe at times when such things happen, i would automatically think: He didn't answer my prayer. He didn't bail me out. but it has been said that 'No' is also an answer. as much as it hurts, i know He has my best interests at heart. (yea, i can say it now that i'm not hurting over some issue. which is why it's important to think when i am clear headed and unclouded by anger and/or pain). He would do it in His way, thank u very much. but being afraid of how He might work is better than being afraid if He might work. you've got to believe He hears you in the 1st place.

there really can only be one person holding the steering. now who do you think knows the way better? and if halfway through the journey you try to yank the steering to the direction you think is better, there is a pretty high chance of accident (think those dramas).

oh, and about the incident i was talking about? it's settled. no lies. amen. sometimes we just freak ourselves out and pitch all the safety nets (no matter how messy it is) and forget about that One who could just reach out and catch us when we fall.